What Pride Means to Me – Reflections (What would I say to my 12 year old self?) by Tommy Mann

Many people have said it before me and many will say it after me, the most important piece of information I could ever tell my 12 year old self would be – it gets better!

At 12 years old I was confused; I didn’t know what or who I was.  I couldn’t speak to anyone about it other than my friends (section 28 wouldn’t be abolished for some time to come – 18^th September 2003) My friends didn’t understand but also didn’t want to openly be seen as being supportive to someone who might be gay.  I didn’t know I was gay.  I went to high school and was called names and didn’t understand how they thought I was something when I didn’t understand myself.  As my mum has subsequently said “it shines out you”, nice of her to tell me at the time!

Many things would change as I got older, many oppressive laws would change to allow me to become the person I am today:

• The age of consent would change from 21 to 16 in line with heterosexual people.
• The age to get into a gay bar or club would change from 21 to 18 in line with heterosexual people.
• Section 28 would be abolished.
• I could choose to enter into a civil partnership with someone I loved, and I did on the 4^thof July 2009!
• I could choose to foster and then adopt a child, and we did on the 12^thof March 2014!

I never thought I would ever get to be a husband or a father.  I think the thing that scared me most about telling my parents I was gay was that they would be disappointed they would never have grandchildren!  I loved that I got to change that from a negative into a positive. 

I never thought I would ever get to be able to speak about my life in the workplace.  To openly say I am married to man and we have a child, and no one bats an eyelid.

I am enabled and empowered to be a full person and my 12 year old self would have never EVER thought that was possible.

Pride to me, is a reflection on how far we have come as a society.  How far the laws in the UK have changed over the years and how far we still need to go for those who still feel and are marginalised and not just those in the LGBTQIA+ community.  There is always going to be work and education that is needed, there always will be.  If my 12 year old son can shrug off the fact he has 2 dads and his friends think nothing of it at all, then we have come a long way from when Marsha P Johnson and others took part in the uprising at Stonewall!  I thank her for that!

To the people who have come before me and fought for everything I am empowered to have today, I thank you!  You make me proud to stand up and show the world its ok and it gets better!  I don’t take for granted what I have or what could be taken away based on the political parties in charge at any given time. 

Pride is standing side by side with all walks of our community showing how far we have come and that there is still work to do! 

Pride is a celebration of the world we get to live in, right now! 

Pride is looking at my son and him not being scared or embarrassed and wanting to stand and march with his Dads in a Pride parade! 

Pride is being the best person I can be and acknowledging those who didn’t get a chance to live the lifestyle I do today.

Pride is being grateful. 

I am 12 year old Tommy, all grown up, the husband, the father and the person who is proud to stand and represent for the community who have come before me and who will come after me.

I am proud!